Motherhood: Beauty, Challenges, & Rewards
I often get asked, "How are you enjoying motherhood?" I find this an odd question because how can I describe in words the single thing that saved my life. I usually respond with the usual, "Motherhood is amazing." Because it is! It's a blessing watching the little human you created in your womb for 40 weeks grow into their own independent being. It's strange to think I'm in charge of helping this not yet fully realized soul navigate the world as a little girl of color.
I found out I was pregnant while I was living on campus during graduate school. This was at the time I was feeling my lowest. I spent my pregnancy feeling alone, fighting my demons, moving from Chicago to Washington D.C. then back home to Michigan. At the time I have not yet owned my truth and I lived in shame. I was struggling with my confidence and self-worth long before I got pregnant, but finding out I now had to navigate the world with a little girl looking up to me drastically changed my perspective.
It's amazing realizing that one single human can change the trajectory of your life for the better. I'm imperfect, make mistakes, but all I can hope is Zion will learn from my errors and step into her light. I'm teaching her to live intentionally, understand her strength, confidence, and to always walk with her head held high. All are lessons I need to learn myself.
A lesson I learned as I got older is that your parents are human. Such a simple concept took me 24 years to learn. Motherhood is seen as this invincible entity of constant sacrifice and strength. It's okay to not be strong all the time. We must shatter this concept that women of color have to constantly embody strength, show no signs of weakness or needing help. Children should learn at an early age that even the people that care for you all your life are not all knowing and flawed. I realized this seemingly simple concept when my daughter was put into my arms. I was terrified because I didn't have my own life "figured out", but we honestly never do. We're always searching for the next big thing, the next goal on our list. Motherhood made me want to fight for my goals, even more, to show Zion that anything you want to accomplish is attainable, but we must slow down and enjoy the time we have. Zion taught me that life is worth living and fighting for.